The Call

This last week in class one of our prof's talked about the "call." Basically saying if you are not called to the ministry you shouldn't be in it and at times your "call" will be the only thing that keeps you in the ministry. I guess I understand that, especially in the light of this neighborhood I am in. I feel called to it. I have a passion to love this neighborhood and to show this neighborhood Christ's love. I want to see people in this neighborhood come to Christ and to have their lives transformed.

I sometimes wonder how that "call" goes along with my other "call" to be a pastor. I sometimes wonder if they conflict with each other. Do I spend to much time trying to reach this neighborhood that I neglect my call to pastor our church and the people that are a part of it?

This Sunday was a real rough one for me, to be honest, I really didn't even want to go into the sanctuary. It was our first birthday today and we sent lots of invitations out to the people we have gotten to know in our neighborhood these last few years. We probably had the most people we have had in about ten months on a Sunday morning, but still very few neighborhood people. It just breaks my heart and makes me want to cry.

It turned out to be a good service, especially as two people shared their testimonies. Neither one of them was in Church this time last year and to see how their lives have been changed by Christ over this past year has been amazing. I am so thankful for them.

Lots of thoughts run through my mind on a day like today. I don't know what to think. What am I doing wrong is usually somewhere near the top of the list. Another one near the top is why is God blessing us so much with such wonderful gifts? How do I ask this seemingly contradicting question at the same time? I don't know. I see God's blessings and at the same time I see so many of my failings.

I think I think I can do this on my own strength and then get frustrated when I realize I can't. Yet I still try in my own strength. I know all of the right answers in my head, I just got to let them sink to my heart and have the courage to live them out.

The way this call stuff relates to the rest is simple, at least in my mind. If I pastor our church more, and reach out less, that means I trust our church to be the witness to the neighborhood and not just me. Do I want to do it all myself or should I let it be the church that is the real witness of who our risen Lord is?

Disclaimer: these were rambling thoughts late on a Sunday night with too much on my mind. I might not have been coherant when writing this.